Archive for “September, 2015”

残すところあと24時間(9月29日2015年に終了!)A Japanese Rock N Roll Ghost Story Crowdfunding Final 24 Hours!

LAST 24 HOURS! A Japanese Rock ‘n’ Roll Ghost Story Movie! (Ends Sept. 29, 2015)

いよいよクラウドファンディングも残すところあと24時間!(9月29日2015年に終了!)

皆様のご協力のお陰で早い段階で目標額は達成しましたが、目標額はあくまでもクラウドファンディングで皆様に送るリターン・アイテムの制作費・郵送費をカバーして赤字にならないという文字どおり最低限の数字。映画製作の為にはまだまだ資金は必要です!

This is our crowdfunding last 24 hours. Thanks to all who have supported. To any others, this is our last chance!

今日9月28日(月)は最後の24時間。参加してくれました方、ありがとうございました。。。まだ参加していない人はLAST CHANCE! よろしくおねがいします!Let’s Rock N Roll!

ココです (check the page here): https://www.makuake.com/project/rock

トレイラー(See the Trailer here): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q89eCEd6T14

ビデオ編集格安、ビデオ撮影格安、動画制作東京、格安ビデオ制作, 格安, ロボット・ゴー・ゴー

 

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At Robot55 we make video productions for businesses and services and products, but we also pride ourselves on making videos for art and music. Our starting price is ¥70,000 and we are sure we can work out something that fits your budget. Oh, and we love making band videos too! Contact us! contact@robot55.jp

ROBOT55 はビジネス、商業、製品紹介動画の制作のみならず、アートや音楽の映像も創っております。ビジネス動画においてはウェブ動画時代の到来に合わせ、お求めや すい¥70,000という格安価格より承ります。ご予算に応じて皆様にご満足のいく高品質動画を制作致します。勿論インディー・バンド向けPV制作も行っ ております。よ!
コチラよりお気軽にお問い合わせ下さいませ♬

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ビ デオ編集格安、ビデオ撮影格安、動画制作東京、格安ビデオ制作, 格安, ロボット・ゴー・ゴー,  格安, ビジネスビデオ制作, ロボット・ゴー・ゴー, A Japanese Rock n Roll Ghost Story, Japanese, Rock n Roll, Neatbeats, 50 Kaitenz, The Privates

Top 3 Videos for Sept. 25, 2015! Death by Unga Bunga, The Interrupters, Dollyrots, Japan’s Own The Routes

Hey! Damn! WTF? There’s a worldwide Garage Rock boom going on (or so it seems to me!) It’s rockin’ and Japan is in the middle! Cool!

Before we get into the hits (or misses, as have you…) I have to say thanks to my wife Yuka, who puts up with my shit everyday! She’s the best! I’m drunk every night and she doesn’t complain! (OK. OK. I didn’t drink the last two days but that’s only because I haven’t felt well.) But I’m drinkin’ tonight! Drinkin Wine Spo-dee-o-dee, drinkin’ wine! (I don’t drink wine. But who’s counting?)

First up today is a band from Norland! (Norway, Finland? Whatever!)

#3) Death By Unga Bunga – Feel Alright https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0LVTsDoAPA

At #2 is a band that my friend in Paris, Yukiko Shimoda, really digs and she actually had her photo taken with them and her handsome husband, a few weeks ago when they played Paris! (How is that possible???!!!) They are on Tim Armstrong’s (Rancid) label, Hellcat! (Thanks a gazillion to Kitano Mayumi!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!! LIFE IS SHORT LET’S HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!)

#2) The Interrupters – Take Back The Power  https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=2&v=q7Ol-YDS4Jc

At #1 is a band that was introduced to me by Kona Cindy, Cindy Kona (Whatever…Can’t keep it straight). Kona Cindy has introduced me to like, 7 of the last 4 #1 hits on the Japan chart! How does she do it???? This girl has her shit together! If you wanna be played in America and Japan, then Kona Cindy is THEE conduit for that!!!! Anyway, thanks Kona Cindy!!! Kona Cindy introduced me to this fricking great band! From Los Angeles, it’s The Dollyrots. This record has been played constantly on my radio show for the last few weeks. And, why not? This fucking rocks!

#1) The Dollyrots – Da Doo Ron Ron Ron/I Wanna be Sedated  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZZEZfyLgLo

And speaking of Los Angeles, Rodney of the Roq, THEE Rodney Bingenheimer, who I used to be a Go-Fer for in 1980 and 1981 (Rodney introduced me to the Clash, Ramones, Blondie, Phil Spector, Guns and Roses, and a bunch of other people that I can’t remember!). Rodney played this band on his radio show on last Sunday night! Japan’s own, The Routes! These guys have been getting tons of airplay in Europe and on my measly radio show too. The Routes are fricking HOT!

BONUS TRACK: The Routes – Do What’s Right By You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iVLUIHDZYc

Cool!

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Hey! We’re making a “Japanese Rock N Roll Ghost Story” Movie. Please check out the trailer (with full English subtitles!) at the very top of this link. The Crowdfunding ends in 3 days on Sept 28, or 29… I can’t remember. Check it out!: https://www.makuake.com/en/project/rock

PAST ISSUES OF THE TOP 3 VIDEOS:

Top 3 Videos for Sept. 18, 2015! Fidlar, Jungle Giants, Su凸ko D凹koi and Barrence Whitfield robot55.jp/blog/top-3-videos-for-sept-18-2015-fidlar-jungle-giants-su凸ko-d凹koi-and-barrence-whitfield/

Top 3 Videos for Sept. 11, 2015! Texaco Leatherman, The Atom Age, Blonde Summer, the Routes! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-videos-for-sept-11-2015-texaco-leatherman-the-atom-age-blonde-summer-the-routes/

Top 3 Videos for Sept. 5, 2015! Titty Twister, Potty Mouth, Palaye Royale, Plashments! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-videos-for-sept-5-2015-titty-twister-potty-mouth-palaye-royale-plashments/

The Top 3 Videos for August 28, 2015! Glam Skanks, Messer Chups, Lillies and Remains, Tommy Henriksen robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-28-2015-glam-skanks-messer-chups-lillies-and-remains-tommy-henriksen/

The Top 3 Videos for August 21, 2015! Hanni El Khatib, Louise Distras, Veruca Salt, Japan’s Own The Plashments robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-21-2015-hanni-el-khatib-louise-distras-veruca-salt-japans-own-the-plashments/

The Top 3 Videos for August 14, 2015! Messer Chups, Sir Psyko, Love Zombies and The Privates! robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-14-2015-messer-chups-sir-psyko-love-zombies-and-the-privates/

The Top 3 Videos for August 8, 2015! Surfer Blood, The Let’s Go’s, Bonsai Kitten and The Jigsaw Seen robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-8-2015-surfer-blood-the-lets-gos-bonsai-kitten-and-the-jigsaw-seen/

The Top 3 Videos for July 31, 2015! The Havenots, Westkust, Kid Wave and the Mutants! robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-july-31-2015-the-havenots-westkust-kid-wave-and-the-mutants/

Top 3 Indies Artist Videos for July 25, 2015! Red Bacteria Vacuum! Perrosky! Rocket and the Atomic Stooges from Japan! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-indies-artist-videos-for-july-25-2015-red-bacteria-vacuum-perrosky-rocket-and-the-atomic-stooges-from-japan/

Top 3 Indies Artist Videos for July 17, 2015! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-indies-artist-videos-for-july-17-2015/

MORE TOP 3 VIDEOS COLUMN SEARCH: http://robot55.jp/?s=Top+3+videos

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ARTISTS! SEND ME YOUR NEW VIDEOS! I WANT TO HELP PROMOTE YOU!

These Top 3 Video posts are sometimes getting tens of thousands of hits per week. Need proof? Do a Google Search for “Top 3 Videos” or “Top New Artists Videos” and you’ll see Robot55 on page one! blowing away MTV, Billboard Magazine, Billboard, Niconico Douga and all the rest.

If you like this countdown every week, please come “Like” our Robot55 Facebook page (or friend us on Twitter or subscribe to our Youtube page). Thanks!

If you like this, please “Like” the Robot55 Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/robot55video

On Twitter, we are: @robot55video

Robot55 Youtube?: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCRBSdzh-E4_bRM_akdRAAQ

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The Best Producers in Japan I Have Ever Met!

After more than 30 years working in TV and radio in Japan and actually being in the music business since 1978 (37 years as of 2015) and working with so many producers that I can’t count (nor remember) them all, I’d like to give a nod to the best ones I’ve worked with. There are five producers who I think were the best and they have really influenced me.

Mostly though, today, I want to talk about a producer who I think, for me, is the best producer I have ever met in Japan. His name is Motoyoshi Tai.

Why is he the best producer? Well, all five of these guys I know and who have inspired me make great productions; Mr. Tai has an extra “Sixth Sense” about him. What I mean to say is that he seems to never get mad! He has taught me patience! And for an obsessive guy like me, patience is important!

The other 4 producers who really impressed me over these nearly 40 years are; Mr. Mizuno, Mr. Shinya Ohta, Mr. Atsushi Uchino, Mr. Kimitoshi Takeyama. I wrote a bit about Mr. Mizuno below. Mr. Ohta, Mr. Uchino and Mr. Takeyama have impressed me because the productions they make are top quality and I really respect and trust them; everybody does. And are the most honest producers I have ever met… Trust me, there are LOTS of dishonest producers!

Trust is something that take a long time to get, but just one action to destroy. Those three guys are so honest, it is their sales and charm point. People will follow them. They all taught me well.

Mr. Tai is an extremely honest guy too but, for me, his advantage is completely different and on a more cerebral level. He is a different sort of producer. He has taught me the most useful thing of all, I’d say. I already know that being honest all the time matters. Mr. Tai was most impressive to me not because of anything in particular of what he does or says, but because of what he doesn’t do or say; Mr. Tai is sort of like a “Zen Buddhist producer.” He never seems to get upset and is always patient and calm and in a good mood; yet even when people screw things up, he gets the job done and done well. He is such a nice guy that it seems it is impossible to get mad at him. The guy NEVER gets upset, it seems.

This is why he has impressed me so much.

Let me explain:

I have been working on a program that is the “Set Program” with the smash hit animation of the summer of 2015 in Japan: Ninja Slayer from Animation. That program is called “The TV Show.”

To explain what the TV show is; Every week on the Ninja Slayer from Animation program, the famous Japanese rock band, the Boom Satellites, performs the opening theme. Also, for every week’s ending theme, a different, cool, underground Japanese band performs the ending song.

The TV Show is sort of a “Making of Ninja Slayer from Animation” program: We interview the gang who actually make Ninja Slayer from Animation and we also interview the artists who perform the ending themes.

The TV Show’s concept was like this: “Imagine if Monty Python hosted a musical artist interview show.” The show was wacky and had several corners inside to add to the “Monty Pythonish mood.” We are proud to say that our show is a smash hit and we had over 10 million viewers in the first 5 months.

In the blue boxes, announcements about The TV Show and "Over 10 million viewers in under 6 months!"

In the blue boxes, announcements about The TV Show and “Over 10 million viewers in under 6 months!”

The TV Show concept was created by me and Ken Nishikawa. Actually, Ken does all the hevy work, I sleep on the sofa during editing. Of course, both Ken and I come up with all the ideas for the show.

During these six months of shooting and producing the show, there’s been so many scheduling mistakes and problems. Mr. Tai is in the middle. He has to coordinate between the Ninja Slayer from Animation folks, a record label, a publishing company and me. And I am really stubborn when it comes to work.

There have been many times when I was upset about scheduling changes and demands from other parties concerning our show that I was pulling my hair out. Sometimes I would get upset and call Mr. Tai. But, no matter what happened, Mr. Tai would always calmly talk to me and clam me down and tell me that he’s discuss it with other people.

I often think he didn’t discuss it with anyone else because it seemed, in many cases, nothing would change.

This sort of thing happened repeatedly; I’d get mad, call up Mr. Tai. He’d calm me down and then we’d repeat the process again in a few weeks.

I have lots of other projects going on now, besides the TV Show, and all sorts of ridiculous things are happening all the time. I get absurd complaints from people that make no sense at all. The worst ones are from people who contradict themselves, but they don’t seem to realize they are doing so.

One day, when I was really frustrated with idiotic nonsensical complaints (totally lacking in business common sense) from people I work with, I wanted to scream. Then it dawned upon me; I thought, “How would Mr. Tai handle this?”

Why, he’d handle it with a smile and kind words and he’s not get bent outta shape. He’d say he’d try to do something about it and would ask other team members or staff what to do.

But, and this is the most important part; Mr. Tai would always calm the other people down who were complaining and that’s the key! Calming upset people down is an art form! Maybe Mr. Tai became this way because he has become legendary in working with many of Japan’s most famous artists and musicians, in movies and music for years! And we all know how difficult famous rock musicians can be! (Here is Mr. Tai’s Wiki page – sorry in Japanese only: https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E7%94%B0%E4%BA%95%E5%9F%BA%E8%89%AF)

Getting mad or getting into an argument, no matter how ridiculous the other side is, won’t help anybody; especially in Japan!

Mr. Tai is a great producer. It’s not because he makes stuff like Steven Spielberg (maybe someday he will) but it’s because he has shown me the way to not go crazy in this business working with Prima Donnas and selfish crazy people.

Ultimately, Mr. Tai has taught me patience. He has taught me to not sweat the little things… Because, trust me, for a producer, there are millions of little things going on all the time. Mr. Tai has taught me to stay focused on the big picture.

And, for that, that is why I think Motoyoshi Tai is the best producer I have ever met.

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*There was one more producer who really impressed me who I worked with about 27 years ago in the mid-eighties. His name Mizuno Kiyoshi. He was a “Take no prisoners” kind of guy. He once taught me that a good producer will do anything to get his hands on what he wants.

We sat in a coffee shop and he pointed to an ashtray and said to me: “Mike! If you wanted that ashtray and I told you that I would give it to you if you got down on your hands and knees and begged me. Would you do it?”

As a brash and foolish young man, I said, “No!”

Mizuno san replied, “Then you will never make a good producer. A good producer will do anything to get what he wants. A good producer would get on his hands and knees and beg. Because a few seconds of shame and embarrassment, means nothing when you get what you want in your hands and you have that forever.”

I know many people would find this sort of thinking distasteful. But this was, I think, the way producers used to be.

I have never forgotten that lesson. I have gotten many good jobs for my company talent because I would get on my knees and beg.

I’ve done it dozens of times. And everytime I did, the decision maker on the other side I was pleading with would say, “OK! OK! Get off your knees! We’ll do it.”

You might think I jest, but I don’t. People who know me well, know this is no exaggeration.

Mr. Mizuno was an old fashioned style producer: No nonsense, but I think if you weren’t careful and watched what you were doing, he would run over you like a truck. He taught me to be very careful.

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Hey! We’re making a “Japanese Rock N Roll Ghost Story” Movie. The Crowdfunding campaign ends on Sept. 29, 2015. Please check out the trailer (with full English subtitles!) at the very top of this link: https://www.makuake.com/en/project/rock

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At Robot55 we make video productions for businesses and services and products, but we also pride ourselves on making videos for art and music. Our starting price is ¥70,000 and we are sure we can work out something that fits your budget. Oh, and we love making band videos too! Contact us! contact@robot55.jp

ROBOT55 はビジネス、商業、製品紹介動画の制作のみならず、アートや音楽の映像も創っております。ビジネス動画においてはウェブ動画時代の到来に合わせ、お求めや すい¥70,000という格安価格より承ります。ご予算に応じて皆様にご満足のいく高品質動画を制作致します。勿論インディー・バンド向けPV制作も行っ ております。よ!
コチラよりお気軽にお問い合わせ下さいませ♬

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ビ デオ編集格安、ビデオ撮影格安、動画制作東京、格安ビデオ制作, 格安, ロボット・ゴー・ゴー,  格安, ビジネスビデオ制作, ロボット・ゴー・ゴー, A Japanese Rock n Roll Ghost Story, Japanese, Rock n Roll, Motoyoshi Tai, Producer, Japan, Tokyo,ニンジャスレイヤー フロムアニメイシヨン, ニンジャスレイヤー

「ザ・外人グルメ」!新しい記事があっぷ!有名人に会おう方法!

お久しぶり!僕、ザ・外人グルメです!ぐるなびのippinの新しい記事があっぷ!「有名人に会おう方法!」

ちょっとだけご紹介。詳しくは下記のリンクから見て下さい!

朝にOKストアーに行くメリットはもう一つあります。それは、著名人や過去に著名だったテレビでよく見る人達を見かける事ができるということです。これは本当!すごく有名な人から昔は有名だった人まで色んな人が買い物をしています。朝に限りますけどね!

僕はリッチで有名な人は、誰にも知られずに買い物をしたいんだと思うんだよね。だから、彼らは大きなハットを被り、白い手袋をはめて、サングラスをかけてブロッコリーの状態を確認したりしているんだよね。

あれは忘れもしない、水曜日の早朝、僕がOKストアーでカートを引いていた時、ある男が僕に向かって微笑んでいたんだよね。僕は彼が誰か分からなかったから、イケメン外人(R)のファンか、僕の狂ったラジオ番組の気の触れたファンかと思ったんだ。もっと近づいてみると、彼の正体が分かった。僕の天敵、ラジオDJとしてのライバル、そしてリッチで有名なあのジョン・カビラではないか!

つづきはココです:r.gnavi.co.jp/ippin/article-3826/

翻訳:Ken Ihara

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Looking for great deals on cheap eats in Japan?:

Gaijin Gourmet: 「モンスターMOGULLA!東京の地下からこんにちは」 http://bit.ly/1MngERN

マイク・ロジャース!「ザ・外人グルメ」!のぐるなび ippin(イッピン)の新しい記事がアップされました!robot55.jp/blog/マイク・ロジャース「ザ・外人グルメ」!のぐる/

Gaijin Gourmet! The Best, Most Delicious Soba Restaurant in Shibuya and Shinjuku robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-the-best-most-delicious-soba-restaurant-in-shibuya-and-shinjuku/

Gaijin Gourmet – Hamazushi! Tokyo’s Best Robot Sushi! robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-hamazushi-tokyos-best-robot-sushi/

Gaijin Gourmet – Sukiya! Japan’s Best Gyudon (Beef Bowl) robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-sukiya-japans-best-gyudon-beef-bowl/

Gaijin Gourmet Advice for Foreign Gentlemen Living in Japan!
http://robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-advice-for-foreign-gentlemen-living-in-japan/

Gaijin Gourmet – Best Soba Chain in Tokyo?Yude Taro and ¥220 Draft Beer?! robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-best-soba-chain-in-tokyo?yude-taro-and-¥220-draft-beer/

Gaijin Gourmet: The Best Premium Salad Bar in Tokyo? – Sizzler in Setagaya robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-the-best-premium-salad-bar-in-tokyo-sizzler-in-setagaya/

Gaijin Gourmet! Great Cheap and Delicious Soba in Gaienmae on Ginza Line! robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-great-cheap-and-delicious-soba-in-gaienmae-on-ginza-line/

The Gaijin Gourmet: The Best Salad Bar Deal in Tokyo at Big Boy – My Favorite Rock N Roll Diner!! robot55.jp/blog/the-gaijin-gourmet-the-best-salad-bar-deal-in-tokyo-at-big-boy-my-favorite-rock-n-roll-diner/

Tokyo’s Best Cheap Sushi is in Okachimachi!? 東京の一番安くて美味しい寿司屋?御徒町にあるの? http://robot55.jp/blog/tokyos-best-cheap-sushi-in-okachimachi/

The Gaijin Gourmet: Soba Wars At Hanzomon Station in Tokyo robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-soba-wars-at-hanzomon-station-in-tokyo/

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At Robot55 we make video productions for businesses and services and products, but we also pride ourselves on making videos for art and music. Our starting price is ¥70,000 and we are sure we can work out something that fits your budget. Oh, and we love making band videos too! Contact us! contact@robot55.jp

ROBOT55 はビジネス、商業、製品紹介動画の制作のみならず、アートや音楽の映像も創っております。ビジネス動画においてはウェブ動画時代の到来に合わせ、お求めや すい¥70,000という格安価格より承ります。ご予算に応じて皆様にご満足のいく高品質動画を制作致します。勿論インディー・バンド向けPV制作も行っ ております。よ!
コチラよりお気軽にお問い合わせ下さいませ♬

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残すところあと8日!A Japanese Rock N Roll Ghost Story Crowdfunding Final 8 Days!

いよいよクラウドファンディングも残すところあと9日!

皆様のご協力のお陰で早い段階で目標額は達成しましたが、目標額はあくまでもクラウドファンディングで皆様に送るリターン・アイテムの制作費・郵送費をカバーして赤字にならないという文字どおり最低限の数字。映画製作の為にはまだまだ資金は必要です!

Our Crowdfunding campaign for A Japanese Rock N Roll Ghost Story is now down to our last 9 days. Thanks so much to everyone who has helped so far. There’s still a little bit of time, and we need all the help we can get.

Here is the English information page: https://www.makuake.com/en/project/rock/

 

このキャンペーンは2015年9月29日で終了!

もしまだプロジェクトに参加されていない方は是非お早めにお願いします!

Let’s rock and roll! Continue Reading…

Top 3 Videos for Sept. 18, 2015! Fidlar, Jungle Giants, Su凸ko D凹koi and Barrence Whitfield

We’re back for this week’s Top 3 Videos! Our favorite new Indies artist’s videos for the week of Sept 18, 2015!

First up today at #3 is Fidlar. FIDLAR is a skate punk/garage punk band from Los Angeles, California. The band’s name is an acronym for ‘Fuck It Dog, Life’s A Risk.’ This is their latest single and it’s hot!

#3) FIDLAR – West Coast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztlZq_qqu-4

Next up is a new band called, The Jungle Giants. The Jungle Giants are an Australian four-piece band. Rolling Stone magazine gave their newest album, Speakerzoid, 4 out of 5 stars.

#2) The Jungle Giants – Kooky Eyes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFG8HafUsfM

And this week’s #1 song is by a Japanese all-girl punk outfit who are definitely not strangers to our countdown as this is at least their 4th appearance in the Top 3! From Tokyo, Japan, here’s Su凸ko D凹koi (Su Ko D Koi – This translates into something like, “You’re stupid” or “You are useless” but not in a very aggressive manner…)

#1) Su凸ko D凹koi「店長、私バイト辞めます。」 (Store manager! I’m Going to Quit) https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=28&v=iidnGJKJ-rQ

Finally, today’s freebie and it’s Barrence Whitfield & The Savages. These guys have been getting lots of airplay on my radio show and they call themselves a, “punk soul outfit.”

FREEBIE: Barrence Whitfield & The Savages – The Corner Man https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ9E-NckNiU

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Hey! We’re making a “Japanese Rock N Roll Ghost Story” Movie. Please check out the trailer (with full English subtitles!) at the very top of this link: https://www.makuake.com/en/project/rock

PAST ISSUES OF THE TOP 3 VIDEOS:

Top 3 Videos for Sept. 11, 2015! Texaco Leatherman, The Atom Age, Blonde Summer, the Routes! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-videos-for-sept-11-2015-texaco-leatherman-the-atom-age-blonde-summer-the-routes/

Top 3 Videos for Sept. 5, 2015! Titty Twister, Potty Mouth, Palaye Royale, Plashments! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-videos-for-sept-5-2015-titty-twister-potty-mouth-palaye-royale-plashments/

The Top 3 Videos for August 28, 2015! Glam Skanks, Messer Chups, Lillies and Remains, Tommy Henriksen robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-28-2015-glam-skanks-messer-chups-lillies-and-remains-tommy-henriksen/

The Top 3 Videos for August 21, 2015! Hanni El Khatib, Louise Distras, Veruca Salt, Japan’s Own The Plashments robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-21-2015-hanni-el-khatib-louise-distras-veruca-salt-japans-own-the-plashments/

The Top 3 Videos for August 14, 2015! Messer Chups, Sir Psyko, Love Zombies and The Privates! robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-14-2015-messer-chups-sir-psyko-love-zombies-and-the-privates/

The Top 3 Videos for August 8, 2015! Surfer Blood, The Let’s Go’s, Bonsai Kitten and The Jigsaw Seen robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-8-2015-surfer-blood-the-lets-gos-bonsai-kitten-and-the-jigsaw-seen/

The Top 3 Videos for July 31, 2015! The Havenots, Westkust, Kid Wave and the Mutants! robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-july-31-2015-the-havenots-westkust-kid-wave-and-the-mutants/

Top 3 Indies Artist Videos for July 25, 2015! Red Bacteria Vacuum! Perrosky! Rocket and the Atomic Stooges from Japan! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-indies-artist-videos-for-july-25-2015-red-bacteria-vacuum-perrosky-rocket-and-the-atomic-stooges-from-japan/

Top 3 Indies Artist Videos for July 17, 2015! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-indies-artist-videos-for-july-17-2015/

MORE TOP 3 VIDEOS COLUMN SEARCH: http://robot55.jp/?s=Top+3+videos

—————————-

ARTISTS! SEND ME YOUR NEW VIDEOS! I WANT TO HELP PROMOTE YOU!

These Top 3 Video posts are sometimes getting tens of thousands of hits per week. Need proof? Do a Google Search for “Top 3 Videos” or “Top New Artists Videos” and you’ll see Robot55 on page one! blowing away MTV, Billboard Magazine, Billboard, Niconico Douga and all the rest.

If you like this countdown every week, please come “Like” our Robot55 Facebook page (or friend us on Twitter or subscribe to our Youtube page). Thanks!

If you like this, please “Like” the Robot55 Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/robot55video

On Twitter, we are: @robot55video

Robot55 Youtube?: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCRBSdzh-E4_bRM_akdRAAQ

———————————–

 3 New Artist Videos, 動画制作、格安動画制作、ビデオ制作, 格安, 撮影,ビデオ編集, 動画制作, ROBOT55, Indies artists, Top 3 Indies Artist videos, ロ ボット・ゴー・ゴー,  格安, Top 3 Videos, ビジネスビデオ制作, ロボット・ゴー・ゴー, 撮影, 格安, ビデオ制作, 動画, 紹介動画, Top 3 Videos, ビデオ, 東京, Top 3 Videos, Top 3 Indies Artist’s Videos

Gaijin Gourmet – OK Store! The Best Place to Buy Groceries in Tokyo and Cut Your Grocery Bill!

All over the world, groceries are getting really expensive. If you are living in Tokyo, then you know just how expensive groceries are and always have been! Well, right now, whether you live in Tokyo or not, I am going to show you how you can cut your grocery bill by 5% ~ 10% – or more – quite simply merely by being more efficient with the use of your time.

There is an OK Store nearby my house. OK Store is a large grocery supermarket chain store in the Tokyo area. It is my favorite place to shop. I first wrote about OK Store in a photo blog that appeared on Lew Rockwell in 2004. There are several huge stores that I have seen like OK Store. They remind me of a typical American-style grocery store.

But OK Store is the best for quality and price. That’s why is is packed most of the time.

If you go to OK Store at the times most people who go there do, you will encounter huge crowds and wait in a line of cars to get a parking space. I think some people must wait for more than an hour in their cars waiting just to get a parking space.

I think it is madness to go to OK Store after 9:00 am on a weekend. The cars are lined up for a half kilometer – sometimes more – just to get into the parking lot!

Once inside the store, if you go on a weekend or in the evenings, you can bet that the store is packed and there are people lined up ten deep or more waiting to get to a cash register. Go at that time and be sure that it’s going to cost you an hour of time just to buy a few basics.

With leisure time at a premium, you really have to wonder what people are thinking when they willingly spend 2 to 4 hours a weekend – every weekend – just to buy groceries.

I never do that. Time is money. I never wait to get into OK Store and I always get my groceries at 5% discount or more. I figure I cut my grocery bill by 10% a month by following the plan I am going to tell you about today.

How do I do this? I go to the store right at opening time during the week. I never wait in line to park and I never wait in line to check out. I can fill up my shopping cart full and be in and out of that store in 20 minutes. Of course, I know where everything is too.

I have been to that store during rush time in the past. Never again. People were lined up 25 carts deep waiting for the cashiers. It was a madhouse. I wound up walking out without buying anything.

OK Store opens at 8:30 am. I show up at 8:25 and walk right in. I get the pick of the discounted goods and no hassles.

If you live in Tokyo then I recommend that you be smart too. Remember that time is money. Find out when your favorite store opens up in the morning and be one of the first ones in the door. You’ll save time and money.

This also works in the west if your store is not open 24 hours a day. If your store is like OK Store (open 8:30 am ~ 10 pm or so), then they will stock the shelves early in the morning with the items that didn’t sell out the previous day and discount them heavily as they must sell them quickly. This is the time to shop.

At opening time, the good that weren’t sold the day before are out on the shelves first and discounted to go quickly. And quickly they go! By 9:00 ~ 9:30 in the morning, all this heavily discounted stuff is already sold out. They have been bought by restaurant owners and by other smart shoppers who have figured out that shopping early saves time and money.

I always see the same smart people who shop early. They are the ones who get the best produce and groceries at the best price – just like I do.

Just to show you how much things are discounted every morning, I took these photos of OK Store yesterday morning. I was probably only one of twenty or so other customers in the entire store. It’s always like that when I go there. Of course there were many more items that were discounted. I didn’t bother to take their photos.

But don’t believe just my word for it. They say a picture speaks a thousand words. Here’s photographic proof of how much you can save by being early (and OK Store is the cheapest store around even before these discounts!):

beef 1Racks of beef all at 5% off

Bread5% ~ 10% off on bread 

sprouts30% off broccoli and alfalfa sprouts (I always buy 3 or 4 of these)

chickenWhole chicken fryers at 5% off

cod 20Cod at 20% off

eggsSix Pack Eggs 3% off

Pond SmeltSaury 20% off

mangoMango and Papaya at 10% off

milkMilk 3% off

 

 

Racks of beef all at 5% off

salmonSalmon 3% off (The salmon is usually discounted 10% ~30%)

00scallopsScallops 3% off

 

Screen shot 2015-09-14 at 7.24.06Steak 30% off 

These photos were taken a while back so the prices might be a little different, but not much. Seriously folks, do yourself a favor and show up at your supermarket right at opening time. You’ll save time and money and be back at home relaxing before 10 am.

Why fight the crowds? Time is money. Save it and relax!

The Gaijin Gourmet, at your service, signing out!

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Looking for great deals on cheap eats in Japan?:

Gaijin Gourmet: 「モンスターMOGULLA!東京の地下からこんにちは」 robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-「モンスターmogulla!東京の地下からこんにちは/

マイク・ロジャース!「ザ・外人グルメ」!のぐるなび ippin(イッピン)の新しい記事がアップされました!robot55.jp/blog/マイク・ロジャース「ザ・外人グルメ」!のぐる/

Gaijin Gourmet! The Best, Most Delicious Soba Restaurant in Shibuya and Shinjuku robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-the-best-most-delicious-soba-restaurant-in-shibuya-and-shinjuku/

Gaijin Gourmet – Hamazushi! Tokyo’s Best Robot Sushi! robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-hamazushi-tokyos-best-robot-sushi/

Gaijin Gourmet – Sukiya! Japan’s Best Gyudon (Beef Bowl) robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-sukiya-japans-best-gyudon-beef-bowl/

Gaijin Gourmet Advice for Foreign Gentlemen Living in Japan!
http://robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-advice-for-foreign-gentlemen-living-in-japan/

Gaijin Gourmet – Best Soba Chain in Tokyo?Yude Taro and ¥220 Draft Beer?! robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-best-soba-chain-in-tokyo?yude-taro-and-¥220-draft-beer/

Gaijin Gourmet: The Best Premium Salad Bar in Tokyo? – Sizzler in Setagaya robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-the-best-premium-salad-bar-in-tokyo-sizzler-in-setagaya/

Gaijin Gourmet! Great Cheap and Delicious Soba in Gaienmae on Ginza Line! robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-great-cheap-and-delicious-soba-in-gaienmae-on-ginza-line/

The Gaijin Gourmet: The Best Salad Bar Deal in Tokyo at Big Boy – My Favorite Rock N Roll Diner!! robot55.jp/blog/the-gaijin-gourmet-the-best-salad-bar-deal-in-tokyo-at-big-boy-my-favorite-rock-n-roll-diner/

Tokyo’s Best Cheap Sushi is in Okachimachi!? 東京の一番安くて美味しい寿司屋?御徒町にあるの? http://robot55.jp/blog/tokyos-best-cheap-sushi-in-okachimachi/

The Gaijin Gourmet: Soba Wars At Hanzomon Station in Tokyo robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-soba-wars-at-hanzomon-station-in-tokyo/

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At Robot55 we make video productions for businesses and services and products, but we also pride ourselves on making videos for art and music. Our starting price is ¥70,000 and we are sure we can work out something that fits your budget. Oh, and we love making band videos too! Contact us! contact@robot55.jp

ROBOT55 はビジネス、商業、製品紹介動画の制作のみならず、アートや音楽の映像も創っております。ビジネス動画においてはウェブ動画時代の到来に合わせ、お求めや すい¥70,000という格安価格より承ります。ご予算に応じて皆様にご満足のいく高品質動画を制作致します。勿論インディー・バンド向けPV制作も行っ ております。よ!
コチラよりお気軽にお問い合わせ下さいませ♬

————————-

ザ・外人グルメ,

 

Gaijin Gourmet! I Survived a Visit to a Maid Cafe!

Well, the Gaijin Gourmet is now totally alpha-geek status! He’s really bringing you excitement today! He went to a Maid Cafe in Ikebukuro (Electric City in Tokyo) with some friends who were visiting from the USA the other day and now he’s lived to tell about it.

My friend from high school, whom I hadn’t seen in nearly 40 years, went up and got hitched and has now two handsome sons. I volunteered to take them around Tokyo for a day or two and see the things they need to see: museums, Tokyo Tower, art galleries, the parliament building, Shibuya and, of course, a Maid cafe.

We were in Akihabara and I was showing them around, when out into the sidewalk popped this cute girl dressed in a maid uniform and asked us to go inside of her Maid Cafe. There were 5 of us all together; my friend and his two sons and my friend’s wife (hereinafter referred to as, “Mom”) and me. Being a serious straight-forward God-fearing man, I was reluctant to go into this den of iniquity known as a Maid Cafe for I could imagine the disgusting ribaldry occurring with regularity within; yet my friend’s two sons couldn’t resist the Siren’s Call and insisted that we enter. It couldn’t be helped. I had to accompany them inside as I felt a fatherly responsibility (“Fatherly” as in “Catholic Father”) for this small group of misguided American males.

I said the Lord’s prayer for us all as we entered…

In spite of my tingling Spidey senses, I knew I had to go inside with them and protect them from the evils lurking within – plus none of them spoke Japanese so how would they know how to order a Coke from a condom?

We entered the Maid Cafe and were charged some ridiculous sum of money just for entering. I hear they call these monies “cover charge” in the west. I wouldn’t know; I’m a family man and my expeditions outside are relegated to the local church on Sunday’s or Denny’s or Bob’s Big Boy after that where they just serve healthy family meals at a reasonable price and no cover charge, thank you very much!

We entered the Maid Cafe and the first thing I thought was, “Wait a minute! This is just a coffee/hamburger shop that serves fast food and the girls are dressed like maids! What????” This seemed odd to me as, come to think of it, don’t the waitresses at Denny’s (or where ever) all have uniforms that look like maids anyway?

Oh? That’s it! Riiiiiight! The Maid Cafe waitresses are maids because they wear little hats! I get it!

At the next table were a husband and wife. I gathered they were French. I was surprised to see a foreign woman customer inside. We left mom outside… She went into a proper hamburger shop where the staff don’t wear little hats and there is no Table Charge.

The Maid Cafe was, well… Kind of strange. What’s the big attraction? I don’t know. Just your typical coffee/burger/bun shop (“Bun shop”? Bwa! Ha! Ha! Pun intended!) excepting, as I said, the girls are dressed like maids…

But there was one thing that was weird. We ordered 4 ice coffees. When our waitresses, er, Maid, brought them over to us she made the four of us do some incantation whereby we made heart shapes with our hands and said some chants and then waved at our coffees. She said we did that to make the coffee “more delicious.”

Shit! Is THAT how you make instant coffee more delicious? Hell, here all this time I thought the secret to great instant coffee was those little packets of reconstituted petro-chemicals that taste like cream and those sugar substitute cyclamates (that cause cancer) but sure smoothen the taste out for a great cup of instant coffee!

Huh? I wasted money on all that chemical shit when a simple magical spell was sufficient? Who’d a thunk it?

Count this as a lesson learned in life!

Anyway, I think after a few minutes of sitting around the Maid cafe and wondering when something was “going to happen” that didn’t, everyone in our party basically came to the same conclusion; “What’s the big deal?” and decided to leave. Of course, though, we needed evidence that we had been to a Maid Cafe so that we can prove to our friends back home that we are the highest of the high ranking alpha-geeks because, well simply put, we were in Japan! And well, fricking OF COURSE, because come on, this is Japan! JAPAN! — the weirdest, most zany, most bizarre corner in the entire world –Who wouldn’t want to be here? And who wouldn’t want to be in a Maid Cafe all the time?

Well … you might not, actually… Because the Maid Cafe was kind of boring… And expensive too… And even when you wanted to take a photo with your “Maid” it costs ¥500 (about $5 USD) per maid, per photo!

That being said, we took one photo with the cutest maid there.

unnamedShe made us pose in these dumb positions, just like when she brought us our coffee… That’s, (left to right) Jacob, Matt, their dad (NAME REDACTED), and me, the Gaijin Gourmet.

Why did she make us pose in dumb positions? Well, why not? This is Japan and this was a Maid Cafe. Don’t question the ways of my people!

The photo was definitely worth $5! The coffee, was, well… “Magical.”

 

Thanks to my friends Jacob, Matt, ‘Dad,’ and ‘Mom’ as well as Michael McThrow for the inspiration!

——————

Notes: This is so obvious that it doesn’t even need to be said, but you’d be surprised at how many guys think they can find a wife at a Hostess Bar or Maid Cafe… Listen guys, these girls are doing a job. The really high class ones are professionals. You won’t ever get a “real wife” ever at a hostess bar, or maid club, or Soapland or whatever they call it…. You can get a “pretend wife” or “girlfriend” or even “fiance” (or pretend whatever you want to call it) for a few hours as long as you have the money in your pocket – or credit card – to pay for it. You’d be surprised at how many times – even Japanese guys – have told me they met a girl they really like, who “understands” them…. And that girl just so happens to be working as a hostess…. Of course she understands! She’s getting paid $50 an hour to understand you dumb-ass! When you stop paying, she won’t give you the time of day!

———————————–

Looking for great deals on cheap eats in Japan?:

Gaijin Gourmet: 「モンスターMOGULLA!東京の地下からこんにちは」 robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-「モンスターmogulla!東京の地下からこんにちは/

マイク・ロジャース!「ザ・外人グルメ」!のぐるなび ippin(イッピン)の新しい記事がアップされました!robot55.jp/blog/マイク・ロジャース「ザ・外人グルメ」!のぐる/

Gaijin Gourmet! The Best, Most Delicious Soba Restaurant in Shibuya and Shinjuku robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-the-best-most-delicious-soba-restaurant-in-shibuya-and-shinjuku/

Gaijin Gourmet – Hamazushi! Tokyo’s Best Robot Sushi! robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-hamazushi-tokyos-best-robot-sushi/

Gaijin Gourmet – Sukiya! Japan’s Best Gyudon (Beef Bowl) robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-sukiya-japans-best-gyudon-beef-bowl/

Gaijin Gourmet Advice for Foreign Gentlemen Living in Japan!
http://robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-advice-for-foreign-gentlemen-living-in-japan/

Gaijin Gourmet – Best Soba Chain in Tokyo?Yude Taro and ¥220 Draft Beer?! robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-best-soba-chain-in-tokyo?yude-taro-and-¥220-draft-beer/

Gaijin Gourmet: The Best Premium Salad Bar in Tokyo? – Sizzler in Setagaya robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-the-best-premium-salad-bar-in-tokyo-sizzler-in-setagaya/

Gaijin Gourmet! Great Cheap and Delicious Soba in Gaienmae on Ginza Line! robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-great-cheap-and-delicious-soba-in-gaienmae-on-ginza-line/

The Gaijin Gourmet: The Best Salad Bar Deal in Tokyo at Big Boy – My Favorite Rock N Roll Diner!! robot55.jp/blog/the-gaijin-gourmet-the-best-salad-bar-deal-in-tokyo-at-big-boy-my-favorite-rock-n-roll-diner/

Tokyo’s Best Cheap Sushi is in Okachimachi!? 東京の一番安くて美味しい寿司屋?御徒町にあるの? http://robot55.jp/blog/tokyos-best-cheap-sushi-in-okachimachi/

The Gaijin Gourmet: Soba Wars At Hanzomon Station in Tokyo robot55.jp/blog/gaijin-gourmet-soba-wars-at-hanzomon-station-in-tokyo/

———————-

At Robot55 we make video productions for businesses and services and products, but we also pride ourselves on making videos for art and music. Our starting price is ¥70,000 and we are sure we can work out something that fits your budget. Oh, and we love making band videos too! Contact us! contact@robot55.jp

ROBOT55 はビジネス、商業、製品紹介動画の制作のみならず、アートや音楽の映像も創っております。ビジネス動画においてはウェブ動画時代の到来に合わせ、お求めや すい¥70,000という格安価格より承ります。ご予算に応じて皆様にご満足のいく高品質動画を制作致します。勿論インディー・バンド向けPV制作も行っ ております。よ!
コチラよりお気軽にお問い合わせ下さいませ♬

————————-

ザ・外人グルメ,

Top 3 Videos for Sept. 11, 2015! Texaco Leatherman, The Atom Age, Blonde Summer, the Routes!

Once again time for the Top 3 Videos… The Top 3 Indies artists videos sent straight to you from Tokyo, Japan! We have some hot rock n roll for you today!

First up today is a band heartily recommended by my friend Bee Bee Clarke. Bee Bee has his ear to the wall in the Tokyo music scene and knows his stuff. He writes, “Texaco Leatherman … take what’s expected and fuck it silly before the audience.” Yeah. These guys are scary, like the Cramps!

#3) Texaco Leatherman – Jason Bill https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TANyiBZ9mas

At #2 today is a band that’s been getting lots of airplay on the radio show, The Atom Age. Their webpage says, “The Atom Age find their inspiration from the dust covered collections of unhinged 60’s punk and R&B, whose crazed energy was once misconceived as a better fit for your trashcan than for your turntable.”

#2) The Atom Age – Wasteoid https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFRCUoK-gkw

At this week’s #1 is Los Angeles Indie rockers, Blonde Summer. Rodney on the Roq has been playing them a lot, so what’s good enough for Rodney is usually good enough for me!

#1) Blonde Summer // “High Times”

BONUS TRACK!

Quick question: When was the last time you heard of Kyushu?

“What is a Kyushu?” is an entirely acceptable response.

Kyushu is Japan’s southernmost large island. Its largest city is Fukuoka. There seems to be something going on down there as we have been playing a lot of bands from that area. Namely, last week we had Titty Twister, and this week we have a band that I think is fucking awesome, The Routes! The Routes are down in Kyushu but they’ve been getting lots of airplay and attention in Europe and on my Sunday show. If you liked the Pebbles or Nuggets album series, you are gonna dig this!

BONUS TRACK! The Routes – Day and Night https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWOoOL1T9ZA

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Hey! We’re making a “Japanese Rock N Roll Ghost Story” Movie. Please check out the trailer (with full English subtitles!) at the very top of this link: https://www.makuake.com/en/project/rock

PAST ISSUES OF THE TOP 3 VIDEOS:

Top 3 Videos for Sept. 5, 2015! Titty Twister, Potty Mouth, Palaye Royale, Plashments! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-videos-for-sept-5-2015-titty-twister-potty-mouth-palaye-royale-plashments/

The Top 3 Videos for August 28, 2015! Glam Skanks, Messer Chups, Lillies and Remains, Tommy Henriksen robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-28-2015-glam-skanks-messer-chups-lillies-and-remains-tommy-henriksen/

The Top 3 Videos for August 21, 2015! Hanni El Khatib, Louise Distras, Veruca Salt, Japan’s Own The Plashments robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-21-2015-hanni-el-khatib-louise-distras-veruca-salt-japans-own-the-plashments/

The Top 3 Videos for August 14, 2015! Messer Chups, Sir Psyko, Love Zombies and The Privates! robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-14-2015-messer-chups-sir-psyko-love-zombies-and-the-privates/

 

The Top 3 Videos for August 8, 2015! Surfer Blood, The Let’s Go’s, Bonsai Kitten and The Jigsaw Seen robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-august-8-2015-surfer-blood-the-lets-gos-bonsai-kitten-and-the-jigsaw-seen/

The Top 3 Videos for July 31, 2015! The Havenots, Westkust, Kid Wave and the Mutants! robot55.jp/blog/the-top-3-videos-for-july-31-2015-the-havenots-westkust-kid-wave-and-the-mutants/

Top 3 Indies Artist Videos for July 25, 2015! Red Bacteria Vacuum! Perrosky! Rocket and the Atomic Stooges from Japan! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-indies-artist-videos-for-july-25-2015-red-bacteria-vacuum-perrosky-rocket-and-the-atomic-stooges-from-japan/

Top 3 Indies Artist Videos for July 17, 2015! robot55.jp/blog/top-3-indies-artist-videos-for-july-17-2015/

MORE TOP 3 VIDEOS COLUMN SEARCH: http://robot55.jp/?s=Top+3+videos

—————————-

ARTISTS! SEND ME YOUR NEW VIDEOS! I WANT TO HELP PROMOTE YOU!

These Top 3 Video posts are sometimes getting tens of thousands of hits per week. Need proof? Do a Google Search for “Top 3 Videos” or “Top New Artists Videos” and you’ll see Robot55 on page one! blowing away MTV, Billboard Magazine, Billboard, Niconico Douga and all the rest.

If you like this countdown every week, please come “Like” our Robot55 Facebook page (or friend us on Twitter or subscribe to our Youtube page). Thanks!

If you like this, please “Like” the Robot55 Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/robot55video

On Twitter, we are: @robot55video

Robot55 Youtube?: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCRBSdzh-E4_bRM_akdRAAQ

———————————–

 3 New Artist Videos, 動画制作、格安動画制作、ビデオ制作, 格安, 撮影,ビデオ編集, 動画制作, ROBOT55, Indies artists, Top 3 Indies Artist videos, ロ ボット・ゴー・ゴー,  格安, Top 3 Videos, ビジネスビデオ制作, ロボット・ゴー・ゴー, 撮影, 格安, ビデオ制作, 動画, 紹介動画, Top 3 Videos, ビデオ, 東京, Top 3 Videos, Top 3 Indies Artist’s Videos

Gaijin Gourmet: 「モンスターMOGULLA!東京の地下からこんにちは」

(English version of this article is here: All of Japan is Under Invasion! This is War! modernmarketingjapan.blogspot.jp/2015/09/all-of-japan-is-under-invasion-this-is.html)

「SOS! SOS! SOS! 緊急事態発生!東京が何者かによって攻撃にされています!」。ノイズだらけのラジオから聞こえてくる悲痛な叫び。東京は、いまだかつてないほどに危機的状況にさらされている。 国家非常事態発生。日本の大都市東京が「やつら」に襲われています。「やつら」は、あたなのすぐそばに、あなたが立っている道路の下に、そしてあなたの家にも「やつら」がいるかもしれません。

そう!東京は今「MOGULLA(モグラ)の攻撃にさらされているのです!」

モグラはこの美しい東京の地下のいたるところにいます。それは、地下のパイプが老朽化していて穴やひびができているからです。国はそれを治そうとはしません。なぜなら全てを修復するお金がありませんからね。そう!国家でさえ、モグラの暴走を止める事ができないのです!

我々の成すすべはないのです。

ただ、僕には秘密兵器があります!美しい女性達よ!もしあなた達の家や庭でモグラ問題に直面しているのであれば、この記事はあなた方にとってお金の節約になるかもしれませんよ。なぜかって?もぐら退治に業者を呼ぶととてもお金がかかります。そして、あなたの家や庭に毒を打ち込むなんであまりいいアイデアとは思えないしね。特にお子さんやペットが暮らしている場合は。

僕が今から教えるモグラ退治の方法はとてもばかげていて、子どもじみてるけどとても簡単で安上がりなんです!

早く知りたいって?それじゃあ説明を始めよう。

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ある日、僕の家から出ると道路が水浸しになっていたんだけど、よく見たら道路に穴が空いているんだよね。僕の家の向こう側だったから、その時は特に気にもとめなかった。

また別の日、家を出たら僕の家のまん前に穴が空いているんだよね!

その穴は毎日毎日大きくなって、僕の家の前の家の穴が一番でかくなってきて、これは危ない!誰か落ちちゃう!区役所に電話しないと。。。市役所の人を呼んだら、この怠惰な職員はこう言ったんだよね「ここは私道だから僕らは何もできないな。」

しかたなく、僕は水道会社、ガス会社、電気会社、そしてもちろんドミノピザに電話して、彼らを呼んだら、彼らはこう言うんだよね「これは、区役所の仕事だな。」

これを堂々巡りって言うんだよね!

そうこうするうちに、僕の家の前はまるでクレーターができたようになってきて、これはまずいと近所の人が集まって臨時集会をやる事になったんだ!こういう時は、僕は奥さんに全てを任せるよにしているんだよね。なぜかって?僕はイケメン外人(R)だから僕が何を言おうが考えようがそんな事誰も気にしてはくれないからね。

僕の奥さんも僕の話なんて聞いてくれないしね。

hole in street

とにかく、近所のみんなでお金を出し合って業者に穴をふさいでもらった。とにかくこれで一安心だと思ったよ。一週間はね。一週間後、またそこらじゅうに穴が。。。

僕らは専門家を呼んで調査をしてもらう事にしたんだよね。彼は僕を見て意地悪そうな目をしながら一言こう言った「“MOGULLA! 間違えないモグラ!」

MOGULLA(もぐら)!下水道を走り回り、夜になると住民の生活を脅かす卑劣で薄汚いない害獣を止める手段はないのか?このままでは近所住民も恐怖で家の外に出れなくなってしまう。。。

まさにモンスターモグラ(R)の恐怖!

僕達は最終手段として駆除業者のエキスパートを呼んだ。エキスパートは「この辺のモグラは退治できるけど、下水管にひびが入っていたら、他の場所から来ちゃうよ。」と言った。東京の地下には、何千何万ものモグラが潜んでいるそうだ。

ぞっとする話でしょ?

この話を聞いて ご近所の女性達が恐怖で震えている。僕は彼女達を落ち着かせようと、とても落ち着いた様子で彼女達にこう言ったんだ「何も心配する事はないよレディース、僕はこの解決方法を知っているよ。リーサルウエポン(最終兵器)「デリシャスリベンジ」があるからね。」

僕は彼女達に親指を立てて、ウインクを送りその場を立ち去った。まるでハリウッドスターみたいにね。その場にいた全員が「あらまあ〜!素敵なイケメン外人(R)ねえ!」と思ったのは疑いの余地はないだろう。

ここで、僕の最終兵器「デリシャスリベンジ」について説明しよう。

僕が幼い頃、僕は農場に住んでいた。農場にはモグラも沢山いたから、僕はやつらがオレンジの香りが好きなのを知っていた。オレンジ味のガムが好きな事も。。。そう、モグラはオレンジ味のガムが好きなんだ!でも、やつらはガムを消化できないから、ガムを沢山食べるとガムがお腹にたまってそのうちに死んでしまう。

そう、「デリシャスリベンジ」は道路の穴の近くにオレンジ味のガムを置いてモグラにガムを食べさせ退治するという方法。その時、必ず手袋をしてガムを素手で触れないようにしてね。モグラは人間の匂いがするものは食べないからね。次の日、ガムが置いた場所にあるかどうかを確認します。もし、ガムが無くなっていたら新しいガムを置きます。その繰り返しをしていると、そのうちモグラは戻ってこなくなります。

家の前で道路を工事している人達の片隅で、僕はまるで狂った科学者のように高笑いをしながら、「マルカワマーブルガム」のオレンジ味を置いた。そして、僕はクリントイーストウッドのような低い声でこう言う。「最後の晩餐を楽しみなモグラ」。

道路の穴が塞がれていく。モグラは今夜、僕の最終兵器「デリシャスサプライズ」を味わう事になるだろう。

この時、僕は勝利を確信した。

 

フーセンガムオレンジ

「マルカワマーブルガム」オレンジ味よ!この世界にこのガムがある事を神に感謝します。このガムを僕は子どもの時からずっと好きだった。モグラを退治できるからだけじゃない。このすばらしい味と、自慢になってしまうけど僕はこのガムで風船を作れる。それだけじゃない、僕の心を落ち着けてくれる!

僕はオレンジ味よりグレープ味の方が好きだけどね。

翻訳:Ken Ihara

 

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